Most often in our relationships with people, unspoken words have as much effect as the ones spoken. Communication has been seen to be the lifeline of any relationship, from one as casual as a mere acquaintance at a party to one as serious as a marriage commitment. The goal of sending and receiving can only be achieved by communication between the parties and this goes beyond mere exchange of pleasantries. But what is it about this talking that makes it vital to relationship between us as humans.

Well, except you are a mind reader, certain communications cannot be made and certain misunderstandings are inevitable. The human thinking is known only to the individual and until I communicate what is on my mind to you, we are not on the same page. In preparing for this article, I asked a friend about the importance of talking in all relationships in all circumstances, good or bad. My old friend drew my attention to one amazing fact: even though the world started as a thought in the heart of God, it would not have become reality if he had not spoken it out. Even now, our knowledge of God is gotten from His Word which reveals his character to us in the person of Christ. If he had stayed mute, there would be no communion and no fellowship. Same applies to us as human beings. Without communication, which is talking or writing or any other way in this context, the thoughts and interests in our hearts concerning our relationships, our lives, convictions, aspirations, needs, personalities (all the things which, if known will foster a better understanding of who we are) will not be known to any other person but us (and maybe a psychic when you find one). In a nutshell, we cannot get to know one another better enough to advance in our relationships, correct one another, and settle misunderstanding without communication.

Now that it is well established that communication is needed, the next question that comes up is; what about things that are usually not pleasant to talk about? Usually, there are certain areas we find uncomfortable talking about. Such a situation could come up where you intend on dating someone and she doesn’t know, you notice a bad habit in a friend and you are worried about how he/she will take to your correction, changing your friend’s mind about a decision he/she wants to make, talking to our parents or loved ones about things that may be going on in our minds in which we need them and we expect them to just know about it. My dear brethren, these things will not be worked out if you don’t speak out. I would first mention that it is not in every situation those examples come up that we’ll need to talk. We may not talk about it then or we may decide not to even talk about it at all. However, any one decision you choose should depend on how beneficial it will be to the person and to that relationship. Will it enable better understanding? Will it cause the change for good? Will it eliminate awkwardness and pretense and foster liberty and freedom? Will it make you both better? Is it out of love?  My old friend wrote and I quote “it is through speaking that we are able to create that beautiful thought or vision about the relationships we have in our heart. When we speak out those things in our hearts, we are creating the beauty we are thinking and we are seeing within”. Usually, we blame one another for friendships that went wrong, complain and nag about things even the other person is not aware of and silently go through dilemmas that are supposed to be known to our close friends. All these are as a result of failure to communicate. While there is wisdom in not saying all that is in our mind, there is also still wisdom in speaking in order to get better and make others better. There’s a time to keep silent, and there’s a time to talk, don’t neglect such times.  

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