As I lay on the couch, thinking about my current relationship status and what it will change to one day and then how it will look like that time, a lot of thoughts came right into my mind, nice and scary ones at the same time. While still on that thinking couch, I remembered a statement made in a book I once read that reads: “men see through a blue lens while women see through a pink lens”, talking about why there are usually a lot of differences in understanding of actions, motives, reactions words, etc. in marriages. So I thought to myself: “so I’m gonna be seeing through a blue lens. Well, blue is my favorite color so I guess I’m gonna love it”. Suddenly it occurred to me that its not about the color itself, rather, its about what I see through the lens color. So, I got scared again. As I continued in my thoughts, I will spare you the details of everything but I will just tell you that I ended up realizing that the lens is as important as the marriage itself and this is what i want to talk about. There is always a personality behind the lens and another personality in front of the lens, it is the lens that helps you have a perspective of the personality in front of it. The lens either makes it nearer or farther, bigger or smaller, brighter or dimmer , colourful or black and white, etc.
Marriage is meant to be beautiful and the beauty is meant to be seen first by the two people involved and then others. Marriages are also meant to be polished to shine more daily and this is done only by the two people involved. If we decide to go down to the most fundamental tool that is employed in polishing a shoe, I will tell you that it is not the black/brown polish, it is not the brush. Rather, it is the eyes. I didn’t say the brush and polish are not important, I said the most fundamental tool is the eye. It is what the eyes see that will determine if the polish and the brush will go to work or how long and how well they will go to work. It is also the eyes that will determine which color of polish to be used. So also, the most fundamental tool in polishing a marriage is the eye, which is equivalent to the lens. Note that its not just about the circular organ called eye.
In polishing a marriage, the art of polishing your lens is an irreplaceable action. When your lens is faulty and is filled with dirt, you will have issues with your marriage. A lot of marriages have suffered big blows as a result of this and then there is usually the blame game at the end of it. Why polishing your lens is important is because of what I said earlier: “there is another personality in front of the lens” and that personality is your partner.
So, in polishing your marriage, polishing your lens is very crucial because you have to be able to see clearly and rightly the personality in front of you which is your partner. Many have fallen prey to the evil of “doing stuffs” for their partners without properly and rightly seeing the partner and what he or she clamours for and need. Your marriage is not in “things”, your marriage is your partner. Without your partner, there is no marriage. Hence, in polishing your marriage, polishing your partner is also something that should not be argued or debated. I know there is the place of understanding your partner, understanding yourself, etc. But that’s not what I really want to talk about today. What I want to really talk about is “polishing your marriage by polishing your partner”.
I have said, having your lens polished is quite important. Yes, it is. The beautiful thing about this lens thingy is that you don’t have to go about buying and borrowing different lenses. All you have to do is sit down and form the right lens and then engage yourself in the business of ensuring it is well polished. Why you need to form the right lens is because you need to engage in seeing your partner the right way and why you need to keep polishing it is because you want to let it remain neat and very clear so that you won’t have to get a bad sight at any point in time. A bad sight can cause you to stumble and fall. I am sure you understand that.
Your partner is your marriage and you will want to be careful to see such as someone who deserves to be better daily. A lot of people don’t see like this. What many see is “the flaws and the good parts” and it all ends there. Sights like these are dangerous because they keep records and then the lenses being used here will tend to magnify the flaws most of the time.
If you have the wrong lens and you want to make your partner better, you will do it the very wrong way because you are not seeing right. You are seeing but you are not seeing how you should see. A lens of honour is one of such important lenses that you need to have in order to polish your marriage. See ehn, marriage is bigger than doing stuffs and buying stuffs. I pray you understand! When you have a lens of honour, you will so much value your partner because instead of seeing only what she is good at and what she is not good at, you will learn to see “someone that deserves to keep increasing and getting better all the time”, hence, the way you go about polishing such will be rightly shapen. Seeing with a lens of honour, let me just break down what you will see. You will see a person with so much of potentials for greatness that your marriage can enjoy and benefit from and then all your thoughts is on how to ensure you do your part (of being the partner) by giving her the necessary supplies to bring out that greatness. Its as simple as that.
Also note that “supplies” there is not all about the material aspect. If you had thought that’s all about it, you should really work more on renewing your mind.
Like I said earlier, polishing your lens means you are keeping it clean and shining all the time. This means the way you see your partner should always remain 100%, no matter what. There is also healing in having the right lens and keeping it polished. The same way some things wrong with the eyes of a person can be corrected by having the right lens all the time.
Polishing your partner is always all round. There are so many ways you help polish your partner. Remember that polishing your partner is not all about “correcting wrong deeds”, its more like “bringing out the best”. There is a thing like between the two. Perception.
So, as I was saying, polishing your partner occurs in a lot of places. Maybe I will just drop a few here and drop my pen. There is the physical, intellectual and spiritual aspect. At least that’s how I will group them. I will like to just pick one or two from each. Physical polishing can come in the form of fashion. You don’t just watch your partner murder fashion. I have often seen ladies and guys and I ask myself: “and this person has a bf/gf right?”. Bro/sis, your partner deserves to be part of those people slaying! Don’t talk about money, money won’t stop you from combining the right colors, it won’t stop you from pressing your clothes, it won’t stop you from looking smart.
If you can have a partner that you are married to, you should be able to afford some little things. Your partner should not go about with beards that looks like it has not been combed for ages. Your partner deserves to go about with clean hairdos that command attention to. Your partner deserves to be addressed well because he or she dresses well and not the other way round. The world is moving when it comes to fashion, don’t let your partner remain in 19th century when we are in 21st century.
It does not end there! Today, this is even worse and rampart than fashion troubles. We see slay mamas that don’t understand common concepts and ideologies. We have slay fashion kings that can’t comport themselves in an interview and even in public. We have people who can send thousands daily and weekly on fashion but don’t understand the concept of saving and investing. Your partner deserved to be well respected when he speaks and when he handles stuffs. Your partner deserves to always be welcome in a place because of their creativity, problem solving skills, good initiative and communication skills. These are areas you should look into. We have some men who can’t take their wives out because they don’t want her to embarrass them in public. So why are you her husband if you can’t polish her over the years? Your lady partner should not be the one found gossiping about the whole place while you go about your business, not minding that habit of hers. Your husband quarrels almost every time in public but rather you complain to friends rather than polish him. All these depend on the kind of lens you are using to see your partner.
Most important, what is your role in your partner’s spiritual growth? What is your contribution? Marriage is deep! If you, as a “worded” husband, your wife does not understand bible truths, eskis sir, what are you doing as her husband? If you are the praying wife and your husband “has not time” for prayer, there is work in your hands. Marriage is deeper than the kisses and hugs and sex! You are gonna raise children! You see your wife as one who has Christ in her and then you ensure she comes into that full knowledge to the point where she can boldly communicate such knowledge. Your partner is your marriage, so you polish your partner. What is the relationship between your partner’s conduct and that which is consistent with the believer?
If you can’t polish your partner, it means you are ready to face wherever your marriage heads to. Outsiders won’t polish your partner for you, it’s your job. The lens you use matters a lot. Keeping your lens polished matters equally. If you use the wrong lens, you will stumble. If you have the right lens and it is not polished, you are prone to making mistakes and handling your partner the wrong way because you are not seeing clearly.
I have told you, one of the important lenses that should be used in a marriage by the people involved is the lens of honour. It is never talked about because of the cultural and traditional mentality that has eaten into our marriages today. Also because of the segregation we have created for both the male gender and the female gender on the grounds of roles and responsibilities.
My pastor Said: “you, as the husband, you are meant to tend your wife and then you as the wife, you are the one who is there to help him”. So, you see how it goes.
May God help us.